our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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