Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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