I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
