Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
