best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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