I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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