everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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