am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
FUCK WHALES
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
