that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize