How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
