I swear she didn't look like that last week.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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