You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
