he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
