last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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