batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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