We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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