Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
