So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
