dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
