he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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