She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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