I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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