youre lurking in front of me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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