Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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