Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
