The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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