i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
