Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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