It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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