It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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