its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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