you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
