U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
