Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
