Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
