I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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