I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
