think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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