I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Less talking, more tequila
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
