Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
