yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
