he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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