That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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