Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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