she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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