I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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