You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Plan B is the new Plan A
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My bed smells like the plague
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
do nipples grow back?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
