I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
