Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
