real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
