Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Rumble strips road head = magical
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
