guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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