that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
