I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
