Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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