Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
