I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
