No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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