My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
