Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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