Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
