no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
