were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
