hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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