i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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