I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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