i will never coherently bang her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
