no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
