She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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