Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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