What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
